Lasting Marriages

Dave and I will have been married 20 years on Dec. 29. We've already celebrated this December with a week's vacation in Cancun, Mexico. The responses we received when we told people were interesting.

On the ferry to a nearby island, I talked to two fun couples in their 50s, one from Denver and the other from Omaha. The wives are friends, and the two couples have been vacationing together for about five years. When I told them we were celebrating our 20th, I thought they might tell me how long they'd been married, but they made no comment. Perhaps they didn't want to one up me by saying they'd been married 30-plus years. Or, Dave thought, after talking with one of the husbands, that at least one of the couples was on a second marriage.

Two fun Canadian brothers we met, in their late 40s or early 50s, had both been divorced twice. One said his massage on the beach was nearly spoiled when he heard "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today. . ." from a nearby wedding. He wanted to jump up and tell them, "No! Don't do it!"

He said he had a few friends with good marriages like ours seemed to be, but left the impression that it was the minority.

Another couple from South Carolina about our age that we met on our way to Coco Bongo almost couldn't fathom being married 20 years. I'm not sure how long they'd been together before their trip to Cancun.

Our waiter at Maria's, the fine dining restaurant in our hotel, was a bright spot. After serving our special anniversary dessert, he proudly told me he and his wife had been married "diez" (10) years.

Back home, a single mom at a school function said both of her marriages added together didn't total 20.

I remember Paul Harvey on the radio congratulating the week's "Champion Lovers." People married 70 years or more were common (and most were from Nebraska). Now he's gone, and the pool of enduring marriages is drying up.

However, the year after our wedding we had a number of friends marry as well, and nearly all of those marriages are intact and thriving. Furthermore, I know a number of friends whose parents are celebrating their 50th anniversaries, and mine are as well.

Of course, the thread that ties all of these marriages together is faith in God. Without Him, they unravel.

Ready for Christmas--On the Inside

"Mom, why don't you make it your goal to not get frustrated?" my 10-year old daughter Laurel asked as we were performing the delicate operation of attaching the four metal feet to the stand for our artificial Christmas tree. The living room was strewn with our boxes of Christmas decorations, she'd already unpacked our nativity scene, our four pieces of a lighted Christmas village, and a few wreaths. Now we were ready to tackle the tree.

How did she know not getting frustrated was exactly my goal? I like Christmas, and I like decorating for Christmas--as long as everyone helps, no one argues, the tree stands straight on the first try, the strings of lights don't get tangled, every bulb lights, and the whole process takes no longer than an hour. When any of the previously mentioned things happen (or don't happen, whichever the case may be) I have been known to express my frustration. Stridently.

Maybe that's why both of my boys and my husband didn't even want to put up the tree this year. It wasn't worth risking the wrath of Mom.

A couple of years ago our family spent a horrible Sunday afternoon putting up outdoor lights and garland for some customers of ours. Horrible because of my attitude. When the blanket lights wouldn't work, when the thorny shrubs pricked my hands and arms, when I secured the garland to the entire porch rail and realized the male plug should have been on the other end to hook into the outdoor socket, I lost it.

When we were finally finished, the house was beautiful. Ready for Christmas. Then I looked at my heart. Ouch. Not ready. I apologized to my family for my Grinch-like attitude.

This Christmas I've tried to be more mentally and spiritually prepared. I'm happy to report I have had no blow-ups, and we have all of our decorations up. And, when Laurel suggested we read "The Crippled Lamb" beside the nativity scene, I sat down with her and watched as she placed the characters in the scene at the appropriate places in the story. Because baby Jesus is coming, and I don't want to miss him.